still no sign of pakistan or anyone else settin up an earthquake fund for us, so next them or some other shitty 3rd world country has a disaster..................FUK EM

A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 5.3 ON THE RICHTER SCALE, THE EFFECTS WERE FELT

ACROSS THE COUNTRY...NOWHERE MORE SO THAN MANCHESTER! - WHO WERE QUICK TO

SET UP THIS EARTHQUAKE APPEAL......



Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering : "Sorted", 'Top' and 'Arr

Kid'

The Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £30 worth of

damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and

Spanish Costas were damaged. Three areas of historic and scientifically

significant litter were disturbed

Many were woken well before their giro arrived.

Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact

that something interesting has happened in Manchester.

One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17 year old mother-of-three said "It was

such a shock, little Chantal-Leanne came running into my bedroom crying. My

youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still

shaking when I was watching Trisha this morning."

Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal.

The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny

Delight to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still

searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal

belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at

Argos.

* HOW YOU CAN HELP

This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those unfortunate

enough to be caught up in it.

Clothing is most sought after.

Items required include: -

* Baseball caps

* Fila Jackets

* Heavy Twill Trousers (Male)

* Shell Suits (Female)

* Boots.

Food parcels may be harder to put together but necessary all the same.

Required foodstuffs include: -

* Hollands Pies

* Black Peas

* Tripe and Onions

* "Pigs Blood Pud"

* Boddys Bitter

£2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four

£10 can take a family to Salford for the day, where children can play on an

unspoiled canal bank among the national collection of stinging nettles

22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of "posh" housing is

unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of Newton Heath and Moss

side.

Big earthquake hits England! Hit Hull the worst, hundreds of pounds worth of improvements

Loads people keep asking me if i heard a bang last tuesday. i replied yes, i heard 2! I had  a wank at 11.45pm