what do women and comdoms have in common?

always in your wallet but never round your cock

david blaine was gutted yesterday when he found out his 44 day world recored of doing FUCK ALL in a box was smashed by newcastle striker michael owen

sad life of a penis- only one eye, hairs a mess, relatives are nuts, neighbours an arsehhole, best friends a cunt and my owners a wanker

life with a man is like a pack of cards, u need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his fucking head in ,  and a spade to bury the bastard.

an earthquake has hit pakistan, 2mil pakis die, the country is ruined and the goverment request that countries provide help. the usa are sending troops, new zealand are sending cattle& crops, saudiarabi are sending oil, the Brits, not to be outdone are sending 2mil replacment pakisd, ah god bless britain.

johnny walks into his parents bedroom and sees his dad giving his mum one, his dad laughs throws a pillow at him and shouts "get out"! a little while later johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from johnny's room, he rushes in  and is horrifies=d to see johnny shagging hisgran_ johnny just looks at him and says "not so fucking funny when its your mum isit