a man walks into a pub with his dog the barmaid says "u carnt bring that in here she says" the man replys "this is a special dog it does somin special" a bloke in the corner hears this and comes over "oi u lying cunt im the only bloke with a special dog watch this" his dog then does 300 kick ups with a football  he says to the man "wow thats good but watch this my dogs a locksmith"   "fuck off" says the other man with that he pulls a red hot poker out an shoves it up his dogs arse an says "now you watch him make a bolt for that door